It is not enough to only “demonstrate” empathy, as employees need real and heartful empathy, compassion and connection. Not just a superficial demonstration of it.
This article outlines 5 steps to bring Empathy into Leadership From Home, and overcome the Empathy gap that many currently experience.
33% of employees say their leaders do not
have enough empathy with them, and
40% say that they do not get Constructive Feedback
from their leaders.
(2020 Report on The Human Side of the Logistics Industry)
Some leaders use “empathy” to buy time, because they don’t have an immediate answer. Some “sweet-talk”, by demonstrating a bit of “empathy” to bring the employee back on track. Both cases are about the leader’s agenda, not the employee’s. It’s a form of manipulation that soon leads to mistrust and dysfunctionality.
Here is an example of how Empathy in leadership can work:
Martin, a hardworking and high performing staff, emails his superior, Susan, with bad news. The work level overwhelms him, and he cannot continue to take care of certain critical tasks. He is running out of energy, and he hates to admit it.
Instinctively, Susan knows that this moment requires something more than a Yes or No. She calls Martin, wanting to better understand what’s going on. Susan sees Martin’s email as an invitation to connect, rather than just solving a problem. She focuses on Martin, and their relationship, not the task.
This is what Empathic Communication is all about: To make other people feel seen, heard and important.
Empathic communication is more complex than receiving and giving information. It’s about how we digest the input, how we connect with each other and how we strive to create common ground.
Here are 5 steps that make LFH more empathetic and constructive:
Stage 1 - How to step into another person’s shoes
1. What is the person’s context?
It’s easy to only focus on the Content of the message “Stop doing certain tasks”, and respond to only that. But what is going on for the person otherwise? Working from home can be stressful, or there are some worries that the person needs to deal with. Take a few moments to imagine the other person’s situation, emotions and potential needs.
2. What values guide the person?
As this is a staff of yours, think back to your previous interactions, and explore what you have experienced being important to the person. Maybe this person values being perfect, or maybe the person finds energy in meeting people face-to-face, which is now impossible. Take a few moments to imagine your counterpart’s pains, unmet needs and expectations.
Stage 2 - How to respond with constructive empathy
3. Recognize and appreciate the person!
When you start to respond, make sure you really connect with the person. Ensure that they feel that this conversation is important to you. It also helps your counterpart tremendously, to feel recognized. Even better, if they feel that you appreciate them on as a personal.
4. Align! Both context, content and emotions.
At this stage, remember that you may still not know what this is all about. It’s easy to let your assumptions make you jump to premature conclusions, and this is where most leaders go wrong. Instead try this:
1. Ask the person to explain the situation, how it impacts them and what they need.
2. Support them to identify and verbalize the context and their emotions.
3. Enable them to verbalize what they (really) need.
While doing this, don’t lead people in the direction you want, and suspend your judgement. Be open for what may come up, and be ready to “dance in the moment”.
Stage 3 - How to co-create and move ahead.
5. Co-create! Both decisions and actions.
It’s tempting to take a decision and close the conversation now. In some cases, this may be the right approach, but not always. Think of this moment as an opportunity, where you can choose between Giving Help or instead Empower the person. Switch off your autopilot, and be intentional about your choice. Weigh options together, debate alternatives and potential solutions. Be open for solutions you may not have considered before.
Then decide. Preferably, it is a joint decision. But even if it’s not, you now have created common ground and connected on a deeper level. The buy-in is now much more likely.
Finally, ensure that the agreed actions are clear in terms of What, When and Who, and suppress your urge to define what the person needs to do. That’s their job, not yours. Finally, agree a time to check back in with each other again, and stick to it.
Empathy is the Link
We have been forced to give up the privilege of being together with our employees and colleagues. We never contemplated that this normalcy would one day become a luxury, and today leaders face a challenge they were not trained for. Leadership development has largely been about leading face-to-face, and not through a Zoom meeting.
Due to uncertainty and emotional distress, employees’ need for connection and empathy has risen. Thus, leaders must quickly become adept in building relationships and communicate with their staff in a virtual setting. Through a monitor, it’s harder for everyone, but the leader is the one carrying both the responsibility and privilege to make this happen.
The mindset to lead with true empathy, and the capability to interact constructively, are two leadership capacities that can be developed. It’s really not rocket science. All it takes is some self-awareness, compassionate listening, ability to slow down and the intention of genuinely supporting the employee to cope and move ahead.