At the 2015 White House Correspondent Dinner party, president Obama brought Luther, his anger translator to the podium. It’s hilarious, and you can see how it worked out here.
But in the workplace, we don’t have anger translators and have to find our own ways to bring in and foster empathy.
How leaders make it easier to receive empathy.
Review your employee interactions over the last week: Where did you do something with the objective to avoid being wrong? These are the moments where you are inauthentic and do not allow people to know how you really feel. So, how can they then be empathetic with you?
Ask open-ended questions, and don’t try to enforce your opinion on every little matter. Give other people space, and trust them to come up with good answers.
If you don’t know the answer to something, say it, and ask for help. Because, “Fake it won’t make it”.
If you messed something up, apologise. It’s a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
Stop being defensive and avoid making up excuses, complicated explanations and irrelevant logic. Nobody has empathy with such a person — least of all it it’s their boss.
If you are in doubt whether you appear ‘invulnerable’ to your people, consider who will be willing to give you unfiltered feedback. If you can’t identify anyone, then you have probably have a “brand” of being infallible and invulnerable. You better start changing that.
How employees can build Empathy with their leaders.
Step into your Boss’ shoes. What’s going on in their mind? What pressure or frustrations are they experiencing? You can use the “Boss Empathy Map” below to help you build new perspectives, and discover reasons to be Empathetic with your boss.
Is your boss feeling lonely? Leaders often feel lonely. It can be a very intense emotion, and something they often hide behind a mask of invulnerability. For employees, it can be hard to see the suffering behind the mask, and almost inconceivable that a seemingly successful person can feel lonely. But it’s a fact, that you should keep in mind.
Are you expecting your boss to be Perfect? If you do, you expect them to be inhuman and invulnerable. Your expectations are too high. Instead, accept that mistakes happen, also for your boss, and that decisions may not always work out as planned. Allow them to be vulnerable. Give your boss a bit of leeway, and offer your empathy and proactive support instead.
Try these new perspectives, and many behaviours and situations will appear in a different light. Don’t wait to be invited to be empathetic. Just be it.
Yours, Henrik
